No light at the end of the tunnel

I feel trapped. I feel like I am trapped in a body and a life that is not mine and for some reason I am not capable to escape. I have been feeling this way for years but once I had some type of stability in my life that still voice that reminded to escaped got distracted.

Now that I am faced with possibility of losing my job and I am financially challenged that voice has been screaming loudly: wake up! I am awake, I have been awake but why am I still asleep when my eyes are wide open?

At 10years old, I knew what I wanted in life and I didn’t want anything extravagant. Finish my studies, get a good job, buy my own place and get married in my late 30s, by 40 have 2.5 children and live happy ever after. 30 years after and I am not even close to any of those goals.  How come so much of my life could pass me by while I am fully awake?

My vision was not that self-centred, although I did not how, I also wanted to do something to help people. At many points I thought of opening a charity: to send poor children to school, HIV awareness in my community and the latest opening a social enterprise to alleviate poverty and improv the condition of women.

Now I need to make those dreams, goals but how when I am not even sure if I will have a roof on my head in a few weeks. So, all my plans, I had to be put to a back burner while I am job searching and applying. Looking for a job is a job in itself.

 I am shocked that I even have time to write this. What if God never allowed me to have my picture-perfect life because He had other plans for my life?  

I am destined for greatness and greatness in God’s spectrum is fulfilling the purpose He placed o hearth for.  But at 40 though? Thank God he is restore the wasted and lost time

Is that a glimpse at the end of the tunnel?